If we only learned one thing during Schmoedown Spectacular V, it was this: the Schmoeminati are real. For months we watched Andrew Ghai’s descent into madness as he tried to warn us and prove their existence, and it proved costly for him, as he was kidnapped by unknown assailants led by a masked figure.
But now we know that the Schmoeminati are real, the questions turn to their identity and their motives. Ghai had the information but that’s lost to us now. The only thing we know is that Chairman Kristian Harloff – shadowy leader of the last coup – is not involved but that means that the rest of the league are still potential suspects.
Let me know who you think is behind the Schmoeminati, but my chief suspects are below:
Suspect #1: Brad Gilmore
The BOAT is an up-and-coming talent in the Schmoedown crew. As host of the Schmoedown Rundown and now also Coming Up Next, he has years of experience as a pundit and has also filled in occasionally in post-match interviews and on the desk, and Kristian Harloff has even mentioned the prospect of him being the heir to Harloff’s place on the deskin the long-term.
But does the BOAT want to wait for nature to take its course, or is he taking a leaf out of Harloff’s books and using subterfuge to take control of the league by steadily infiltrating the league and then brainwashing one of the league’s biggest faces? Speculation? Yes, but go back to the Rundown episode immediately following Spectacular (and Andrew Ghai’s capture – and a certain BOAT is mysteriously missing…
Suspect #2: Grace Hancock
I mentioned in my 5 takeaways from Spectacular to watch out for Grace’s revenge following Kate Mulligan’s decision to fire her, and with her being on bad terms with so many of the other managers (not to mention Chairman Kristian Harloff, who is scared of her), she may have decided that the Schmoeminati is the best way to entrench herself in the league so they can’t get rid of her.
You could argue that the Schmoeminati started before Grace was fired, but I have 2 words for you: CONTINGENCY PLAN. This isn’t the first time Grace has been dropped from a team and with the lack of success in the latter half of the season for The Den, she may have sensed that her role as an advisor was anything but a position of power, and made plans to cement herself in the league.
Let’s not forget that she took advantage of Dagnino locking Emma Fyffe in a closet in order to become the post-match interviewer for the inaugural Collision – never rule the Lioness out when it comes to something despicable.
Suspect #3: Mark Ellis
“Surely not Baby Carrots!” I hear you all cry out, but how better to avoid suspicion than to be one of the most jovial people in the league? Mark Ellis was one of the founders of the Schmoedown, and yet it is Kristian Harloff who gets the majority of the credit and gets to rule the league, while everybody’s favourite dog stepfather is left to give the rulings of all the challenges and bear the brunt of the competitors and managers who are unhappy with the decision.
It’s just a matter of time before someone would snap under that pressure and maybe that is what Ellis has done here, putting into action a plan that will see him oust his former teammate at the top of the league. Rumours that the Schmoeminati have taken control of all the Coors Light on the Wes Coast are still under investigation.
Suspect #4: Frank Janisch
First off, just look at the picture above. This guy is worshipping Kylo Ren so can’t be trusted! Let’s not forget that we never heard of the Schmoeminati until after Frankie Numbaz made the move from Chicago to the West Coast. As a longtime host of the Schmoedown Rundown, he has always had access to people and information behind the scenes in the league, but in recent months has seen his Rundown co-host Brad Gilmore getting a second show while he is even facing pressure in the stats department these days.
With his role as the stats guy onscreen now under threat, has West Coast Frank started making moves to grab more power within the Schmoedown and secure his name of “The Truth” once and for all…?
Suspect #5: ZaFlertinflouse
“The Trending Nightmare” is a mystery wrapped in an enigma and shrouded in conspiracy theories, the most recent of which is that he is behind the Schmoeminati. Did the mask worn by Andrew Ghai’s abductor look familiar? That’s because it has a blink and you’ll miss it appearance in the video for his hit single “Und Und Und”, worn by none other than the Flouse!
The current belief is that the Flouse is looking to take over the league to force the Schmoedown Pros to sing in the chorus for his upcoming album “Spin from the Peg”. Rumours that the planned first release “Sexy Buzzer” will be a duet with Brendan Meyer have been quashed.
Suspect #6: Sabrina Ramirez & Brandon Hanna
We’ve focused on individual suspects for now, but who says that an organisation like the Schmoeminati can only have 1 person at the head. Sabrina Ramirez warned us before Spectacular that she and Brandon Hanna were about to become the league’s new power couple, which is hard to believe when you look and Hanna’s soul-destroying, never-ending promos.
But what if those promos were to lull us into a false sense of security while the Schmoeminati quietly came in and grabbed hold of the league under the overall running of Ramirez, who had a quiet season after being picked up on the Free Agency deadline day with only 1 chance to compete. Ramirez is someone to watch out for in this league, and Hanna could be the perfect underrated sidekick/henchman.
Suspect #7: John Rocha & Finstock
As the resident mask-wearers in the league, of course Rocha and Finstock have to be suspects! It’s been a bad season for both Rocha and Finstock, with a Faction Championship that should have been theirs for the taking ending up falling away from them midway through the season. And yet despite this, the pair joined up to throw the GOAT Dan Murrell out of the faction at the end of the season – a move that boggles the mind!
Why else would they do this if they didn’t have some nefarious plan to take over the league, and with Dagnino’s mysterious contacts, it’s easy to see the Schmoeminati forming. Rumours that the Reel Rejects’ multi-mask entry against Cuckoo’s Mess was a rite of passage to join the Schmoeminati are being investigated.
Suspect #8: Jessica Sterger & PLD
And so we reach the final suspects, with the most interesting motives. PLD is the third leg of Action Industries and has never fully got over the break-up of Team Action, while Jessica Sterger (Jenn’s Action-loving identical twin) has been mooted as the perfect manager for and Action reunion.
There’s just been one problem: both Ben Bateman and Andrew Ghai had moved on from Action and become more respectful of the game and their opponents, with Ghai even going so far as to change the name “Dastardly” to “Debonair”. Well Bateman’s struggles this season seem to have pushed him back towards his old self, but it looks like the arrival of the Schmoeminati has been focused on pushing Ghai beyond what he could take and forcing him to snap back to his dastardly self. There is a legitimate chance that the 2021 Draft will see Team Action reunited, and with both the Action Army and Schmoeminati behind them, all hell could be set to break loose…